This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,962 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
you have got an ideal weblog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my blog?
Thank you for every other informative web site. Where else may just I get that type of info written in such an ideal approach? I have a undertaking that I am just now working on, and I have been at the look out for such information.
Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Many thanks, However I am having difficulties with your RSS. I don’t know why I can’t join it. Is there anybody else getting similar RSS issues? Anyone that knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanx!
This is the right web site for anybody who really wants to understand this topic. You realize so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually would want to…HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a subject which has been written about for decades. Great stuff, just excellent.
You are so cool! I do not think I’ve read something like this before. So wonderful to discover someone with some genuine thoughts on this topic. Seriously.. many thanks for starting this up. This site is one thing that is needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality.
Awesome things here. I am very glad to see your article. Thank you so much and I’m taking a look ahead to touch you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?|
Hi! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but after looking at some of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely delighted I found it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back often.
Greate pieces. Keep writing such kind of information on your site. Im really impressed by your blog.
Very good info. Lucky me I came across your website by chance (stumbleupon). I have book-marked it for later.
This is a great tip particularly to those fresh to the blogosphere. Simple but very accurate info… Many thanks for sharing this one. A must read post!
Pretty! This has been a really wonderful article. Thanks for providing this information.
A fascinating discussion is worth comment. I believe that you need to publish more on this topic, it may not be a taboo matter but usually folks don’t speak about such topics. To the next! All the best.
I could not resist commenting. Well written!
I blog frequently and I truly thank you for your content. The article has truly peaked my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and keep checking for new information about once a week. I opted in for your Feed as well.
I have read so many articles on the topic of the blogger lovers but this paragraph is truly a fastidious piece of writing, keep it up.|
Greetings, I do believe your blog could be having web browser compatibility problems. When I take a look at your web site in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Aside from that, fantastic site.
Great article. I am going through a few of these issues as well..
This platform exceeded my expectations with trustworthy service and robust security.
I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this site. I am hoping to check out the same high-grade content by you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my very own site now 😉
This is a topic that is near to my heart… Many thanks! Where can I find the contact details for questions?
Very good blog post. I definitely love this website. Keep writing!
Great web site you have got here.. It’s hard to find excellent writing like yours these days. I truly appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!
Howdy! This article could not be written any better! Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept talking about this. I most certainly will forward this information to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!
I really love your website.. Great colors & theme. Did you develop this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m attempting to create my own personal website and would love to learn where you got this from or just what the theme is called. Many thanks!
Spot on with this write-up, I truly believe that this website needs far more attention. I’ll probably be back again to read more, thanks for the info!
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon everyday. It’s always useful to read through articles from other writers and practice a little something from their websites.
I have seen that car insurance corporations know the vehicles which are prone to accidents as well as other risks. In addition they know what style of cars are susceptible to higher risk and also the higher risk they’ve got the higher a premium price. Understanding the very simple basics involving car insurance can help you choose the right type of insurance policy that may take care of the needs you have in case you become involved in an accident. Many thanks sharing your ideas for your blog.
This information is invaluable. Where can I find out more?|
Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue together with your website in internet explorer, may check this? IE nonetheless is the marketplace chief and a good element of other people will miss your magnificent writing due to this problem.
I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both educative and amusing, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that too few folks are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I found this in my search for something relating to this.|
Thanks for the suggestions about credit repair on this blog. Some tips i would offer as advice to people should be to give up this mentality they will buy at this moment and pay out later. Like a society most of us tend to do this for many things. This includes getaways, furniture, along with items we would like. However, you have to separate the wants out of the needs. When you are working to fix your credit score you have to make some trade-offs. For example you are able to shop online to save cash or you can look at second hand outlets instead of high-priced department stores intended for clothing.
I am so happy to read this. This is the kind of manual that needs to be given and not the accidental misinformation that is at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this greatest doc.
I personally find that i trust this platform — withdrawals are useful analytics and reliable.
Great article.|
Thanks for your exciting article. One other problem is that mesothelioma cancer is generally caused by the inhalation of dust from asbestos, which is a dangerous material. It truly is commonly witnessed among staff in the building industry who definitely have long contact with asbestos. It’s also caused by living in asbestos covered buildings for some time of time, Family genes plays a crucial role, and some consumers are more vulnerable for the risk when compared with others.
Hi there, I found your web site via Google while searching for a related topic, your web site came up, it looks great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
I personally find that i was skeptical, but after a week of trading, the trustworthy service convinced me. Support solved my issue in minutes.
The providing liquidity tools are stable performance and easy onboarding. Charts are accurate and load instantly.
It’s amazing to pay a visit this web site and reading the views of all friends about this article, while I am also keen of getting experience.|
I’ve been active for half a year, mostly for testing new tokens, and it’s always scalable features.
Can I simply say what a comfort to discover an individual who truly knows what they are discussing over the internet. You certainly know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. A lot more people really need to look at this and understand this side of your story. I can’t believe you’re not more popular because you certainly have the gift.
Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular post! It’s the little changes that produce the largest changes. Thanks for sharing!
I truly love your blog.. Great colors & theme. Did you build this web site yourself? Please reply back as I’m attempting to create my own blog and want to find out where you got this from or what the theme is called. Appreciate it!
Hi, I do believe this is an excellent web site. I stumbledupon it 😉 I’m going to return once again since I book marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.
Great information. Lucky me I recently found your website by accident (stumbleupon). I have saved it for later.
Hey there! I simply wish to offer you a big thumbs up for the great information you’ve got here on this post. I will be coming back to your site for more soon.
You’ve made some decent points there. I looked on the net to learn more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.
I could not refrain from commenting. Perfectly written.
I want to to thank you for this excellent read!! I absolutely enjoyed every bit of it. I’ve got you book marked to check out new stuff you post…
This is the right website for anyone who wants to understand this topic. You understand a whole lot its almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a topic that’s been written about for ages. Wonderful stuff, just great.