This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,993 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!
Porn site
Porn site
Buy Drugs
Sex
Viagra
Scam
Porn site
Hiya very cool web site!! Guy .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your blog and take the feeds also?KI’m satisfied to seek out numerous helpful info here within the put up, we’d like develop extra strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .
I used to be able to find good info from your content.
Porn
Sex
Porn site
Sex
Viagra
Pornstar
Pornstar
Buy Drugs
Porn
I like it when folks get together and share opinions. Great blog, continue the good work!
My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find a lot of your post’s to be just what I’m looking for. can you offer guest writers to write content in your case? I wouldn’t mind producing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome blog!
One thing I have actually noticed is always that there are plenty of fallacies regarding the banks intentions while talking about foreclosed. One misconception in particular is the fact the bank wants your house. The financial institution wants your hard earned money, not the house. They want the money they loaned you along with interest. Staying away from the bank will still only draw the foreclosed summary. Thanks for your publication.
I really enjoy reading on this website , it holds wonderful articles.
I blog quite often and I truly appreciate your content. This great article has really peaked my interest. I will take a note of your site and keep checking for new information about once per week. I opted in for your RSS feed as well.
I’m very pleased to uncover this web site. I wanted to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!! I definitely loved every part of it and I have you book-marked to look at new things in your website.
Try NN Games now
Try KWG Games now
51 game is a nice colour trading website
Colour prediction app 91 club app
91 club app is a nice colour trading website
Best colour trading app
Colour prediction app 91club lottery
It’s hard to find experienced people on this topic, however, you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
Colour prediction app 91club game
Best colour trading app
Try 91club lottery now
great put up, very informative. I’m wondering why the opposite specialists of this sector don’t understand this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you have a great readers’ base already!
Try 91 club apk now.
Yet another thing I would like to talk about is that as opposed to trying to fit all your online degree classes on times that you conclude work (considering that people are drained when they get home), try to get most of your instructional classes on the week-ends and only a few courses on weekdays, even if it means taking some time off your end of the week. This is really good because on the saturdays and sundays, you will be extra rested in addition to concentrated for school work. Thanks a bunch for the different ideas I have learned from your blog.
Heya! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?
best colour predictionw app.
91 club apk is best colour trading website.
best colour predictionw app.
91 club apk is best colour trading website.
91 club apk is best colour trading website.
What?s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It positively useful and it has helped me out loads. I hope to contribute & help other users like its helped me. Great job.
I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your website. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A couple of my blog visitors have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera. Do you have any solutions to help fix this issue?
I am pleased that I detected this web site, precisely the right info that I was looking for! .
It is indeed my belief that mesothelioma is actually the most deadly cancer. It has unusual characteristics. The more I really look at it the harder I am sure it does not act like a real solid tissues cancer. If mesothelioma is a rogue virus-like infection, hence there is the potential for developing a vaccine plus offering vaccination for asbestos exposed people who are open to high risk connected with developing long term asbestos connected malignancies. Thanks for revealing your ideas for this important health issue.
You really make it seem so easy together with your presentation but I to find this matter to be actually one thing that I feel I’d never understand. It seems too complex and extremely large for me. I’m having a look ahead for your next put up, I¦ll attempt to get the grasp of it!