This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
3,478 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
On 24 October 1941, the German submarine U-564 attacked Allied Convoy HG-75, which was sailing from Almería, Spain, to Barrow-in-Furness, England.
On 5 January 2011, he suffered a season-ending shoulder injury as he was warming up with the assistance of Wojciech Szcz?sny, which dominated him out for the remainder of the 2010-11 season.
2,000 for heat pumps and heat pump water heaters; biomass stoves and biomass boilers.
Some glasses akin to volcanic glass are naturally occurring, and obsidian has been used to make arrowheads and knives since the Stone Age.
Upon his awakening, a small act of kindness from an orphaned woman melts the icy barrier around his heart, revealing a warmth he thought was lengthy lost.
A nod to a bygone era, electric typewriters can produce carbon copies, a feature still valued in particular business and legal contexts.
Only a handful of small results manufacturers have been around again then.
Each are made using a PVB interlayer, however they have drastically completely different tensile energy.
Moreover, an ergonomic design and user-friendly features akin to adjustable settings can contribute to a comfortable and fulfilling typing experience, finally increasing total satisfaction with the electric typewriter.
Like other windows of the period, much of the window is grisaille, permitting in a most of gentle, whereas the figures are framed by elaborate architectural detail, matching the ornate architecture of the church itself.
Thanks a lot for sharing this with all folks you actually know what
you’re talking approximately! Bookmarked.
Kindly also seek advice from my website =). We could have a link change arrangement between us
I’m not that much of a online reader to be
honest but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead
and bookmark your website to come back down the road.
Many thanks
I got this web site from my pal who shared with me concerning this site and now this time I
am browsing this web site and reading very informative articles at this place.
We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
Your web site offered us with helpful info to work on. You
have done a formidable activity and our whole group shall
be thankful to you.
Great blog here! Also your website loads up very fast!
What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol
Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account
it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you!
However, how could we communicate?
WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching
for PORN CHILD
What i do not understood is actually how you’re now not actually a lot more
neatly-favored than you might be now. You are so intelligent.
You recognize therefore considerably relating to this matter, produced me individually consider it from numerous various angles.
Its like women and men are not fascinated unless
it’s something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual
stuffs great. Always care for it up!
The Artwork Journal. Advantage and Firm.
Customized objects that mirror their favorite series or a reward card to an anime merchandise store will also be considerate.
The Empire State Constructing in New York Metropolis was the world’s tallest building for about four a long time.
Mix silk with sisal, porcelain with pottery, or wood with silver for contrast.
Would you wish to receive the newest news and special affords by email?
These individuals served in British squadrons till there have been adequate pilots to create All-Free French RAF flights.
Rajiv Gupta plans to help underprivileged kids in India.
Identical to all the other websites, this one too has a huge variety of manga comics.
Metal containers typically come in impartial colours and have a sleek, modern really feel to them.
Howdy! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche.
Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!
This is the debt payoff purpose you’re working in the direction of.
Right here is the perfect website for everyone who hopes to understand this topic.
You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you
(not that I actually would want to…HaHa). You definitely put a brand
new spin on a subject that’s been discussed for ages.
Wonderful stuff, just great!
Two ladies are additionally seen in the background.
I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This paragraph posted at this
web site is in fact fastidious.
Three of his assistants throughout his career were Mary Hutchinson, Basil Jones and F. R. Gadsby.
I am really thankful to the owner of this web site who has shared this
great article at at this place.
Asking questions are in fact pleasant thing if you are not understanding anything completely, but this
piece of writing presents fastidious understanding even.
Excellent weblog here! Additionally your site quite a bit up
very fast! What web host are you the usage of?
Can I get your affiliate link for your host? I wish my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol
It’s really a nice and helpful piece of information. I am
glad that you shared this useful info with us.
Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the recommendations shared on your blog. Something also important I would like to express is that weight reduction is not information about going on a celebrity diet and trying to shed as much weight as possible in a few days. The most effective way to lose weight naturally is by consuming it little by little and using some basic points which can assist you to make the most out of your attempt to drop some weight. You may recognize and be following some of these tips, although reinforcing know-how never affects.
Hi there to all, how is everything, I think every one is getting more from this website, and your
views are nice for new people.
However George Thampy, who received the Nationwide Spelling Bee title, believes his ultimate calling is drugs.
If pool is still somewhat cloudy, superchlorinate the water as advisable by the manufacturers (normally 3 to 4 instances regular chlorine dosage) and filter until clear.
This can rely upon components reminiscent of the scale of your pool and the quantity of use it gets.
Cudicini made an impressive save in the final minutes of an epic 4-4 draw at White Hart Lane in opposition to Tottenham Hotspur when he saved from point-blank vary in opposition to Dimitar Berbatov to earn Chelsea a degree.
A swimming pool heat exchanger makes use of conduction and scorching water from a boiler to heat pool water.
Our editors and readers independently choose what you see on 10Best.
Q: How many sweet canes are made each year?
Chhetri captained India to a thirteen match unbeaten run earlier than dropping the final match to Kyrgyzstan.
Now if you recognize the context of the dialogue and choose up all the neighbouring phrases, you are not likely to be confused about the meaning of pâté de foie gras (unless, perhaps, you are in some weird California cult-o-mart), but when you’re in language studying mode, missing about 10 of the words and struggling to grasp the rest as quick as any individual is speaking, the added ambiguity of sounds really makes issues robust.
All of our heat pumps are made to make use of a 50hz electrical provide.
Only a handful of small effects manufacturers had been around back then.