
This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
4,845 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
It runs Android and was initially announced in 2013.
Writing a history of British Settlements in North America in 1748, Bostonian Dr.
D., 79, of Palestine can be at 11 a.m.
There are numerous unique designs accessible in pendants on-line.
After a call, a piece of the song “Baby” by Bakermat.
Supporters are invited to return down early for tonight’s match on the J. Davidson Stadium between Altrincham and Kidderminster Harriers because the Television screens within the bar of the Community Sports Hall will probably be exhibiting, reside, the England v Kazakhstan beneath-21s’ match.
We’ve seen it happen already, and we’ll see it once more, and I’d be shocked if subsequent-era massive-language models weren’t already supercharging these campaigns by decreasing required effort.
Mr. Bostic was preceded in loss of life by brother, Floyd J. Bostic Jr.
Moreover, this is one purpose why the unit of foreign money in Deus Ex is the credit, and not the greenback – it’s not only a throwaway phrase designed to sound futuristic.
Splendid for Father’s Day,it’s a timeless keepsake from a son to dad.
Choosing and discovering the best venue in your event can take up quite a little bit of your time.
Instead, model, look & what completes the outfit is given numerous thought.
Survived by three sons, Arthur Johnson, Seattle, WA; Chester Johnson, Spokane; Emil Johnson, Almira; 2 daughters, Mrs Clara Rosenberg, Mrs Esther Tolonen, each Almira; one nephew, Theodore Larson, in IL; Eleven grandchildren; 5 great grandchildren.
From this nation birds are misplaced, is it the hunt or the plague.
Consequently customer wants are fulfilled and if you are ever planning to call the visitors over then you understand where you’ll be able to order these utensil essentials from.
She’s been a leading voice in Philippine vogue for years, and her funky, eclectic model is just as highly effective because it was when she began.
State well being officials say Iowa has recorded its first loss of life this 12 months from the mosquito-borne disease.
A notable instance is “Pressure lightning”, electricity projected from the fingertips as a means of attack and torture, most famously utilized by Darth Sidious to torture Luke Skywalker in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.
During the legislative session of 1748-49, Washington had the position of promoting the river site and securing the votes essential to approve a new town on the Potomac, the place it might finest serve the interests of the Ohio Company.
She was a 55 year member of the Grand Coulee Grange 807.
As a teenager, her first job was together with her father, owner of Hockett Construction in West Tennessee, and an element-time promoter for gospel singers and Prince, K-Ci & JoJo, and Bobby Womack.
The company reported $2.5 billion in gross sales in 2021.
The student safe plan in Iowa provides protection to students traveling abroad for his or her education by offering protection that is comprehensive.
Joel Cook officiating. 1905 to Julia Edith Macklin (b.1887), from Marshall County, Indiana.
On March 25, Governor Wolf issued a stay-at-house order for Lehigh and Northampton counties.
When Terminals 1 and a couple of had been demolished, the murals in those areas had been saved and the new Security Screening constructing was designed to accommodate the heavy weight of the murals with the eastern “store entrance” home windows designed to be removable to permit the long run installation of the murals.
The Tykes gained 4-0.
Thank you for sharing indeed great looking !
Extra broadly, people who feel lonely on fedi because they can’t discover individuals they care about get characterized as lazy, vapid dopamine addicts in lots of Mastodon conversations.
The COVID-19 pandemic within the United States has led to the very best variety of whole infections and deaths of any country, though per capita it isn’t the highest.
Carlsen and Karjakin performed their subsequent classical sport at the 2017 Tata Steel tournament, and the sport was drawn.
Weddings in Karnataka are simple and are mainly focused on traditional rituals and fewer pomp present.
A typical story pertains to an incident that occurred at the tournament banquet, when the St.
To be taught extra in regards to the sorts of certificates play in the video under!
Championship. FIDE awarded him the title of International Master in 1975.
These might be either wedding rings or a simple informal one maybe looking for these have by no means been so easier.
By the end of the sport, when you can hold a sniper rifle with out shaking, the binoculars are particularly redundant.
You too can find some of the best fabrics at the Arab Road and Little India, together with stuffs like batik (an exotic Malay print).
In addition to company business interests, there are lots of retail retailers in Chattanooga, together with two shopping malls: Hamilton Place Mall in East Brainerd and Northgate Mall in Hixson.
In 1995 the aquarium broke floor on a $14 million IMAX center on land adjoining to Ross’s Landing Park, containing an educational facility and workplaces as properly as the IMAX theater.
Attributable to insufficient house, we will solely publish few out of 1000’s of testimonies on this page.
Be certain to incorporate embedded links inside of the bios that lead to your numerous social profiles and web site.
Vice-President of Operations at Lebanon Valley Household Well being Companies.
This components – one thousand direct True Fans – is crafted for one individual, the solo artist.
When some gamers see this subsequent defense known as the English Protection, they fight to move the game right into a calmer setting.
Profession Growth and Growth: Amazon has assets for employee skill development, and there could also be alternatives for growth and development within the corporate.
By means of the years, Bella is ready to take care of her sanity in addition to that of her brother by dedicating her time to him.
The plates usually are not subject to renewal requirements by the Louisiana Division of Public Safety, and they’re issued upon application to any disabled veteran in lieu of the regular motorcar registration license plates.
So as an alternative of gold pendant you’ll be able to select to purchase diamond pendant.
Alabama Liberty. Alabama Libertarian Occasion.