This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
4,171 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post with us.
As I website possessor I believe the content material here is rattling wonderful , appreciate it for your efforts. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.
In accordance with my study, after a the foreclosure home is sold at an auction, it is common for that borrower to be able to still have any remaining unpaid debt on the loan. There are many financial institutions who make an effort to have all charges and liens repaid by the next buyer. Nevertheless, depending on particular programs, polices, and state legislation there may be a number of loans that aren’t easily resolved through the shift of loans. Therefore, the responsibility still remains on the borrower that has acquired his or her property in foreclosure. Thank you for sharing your opinions on this site.
A great post without any doubt.
The ratification of the Maastricht Treaty needed to be a unanimous determination by all the member states within the EU and the Danish “no” subsequently posed a significant challenge for the additional integration process.
One World Commerce Middle in NYC is the tallest within the Western hemisphere, but the Sears Tower is the second tallest.
Kasha was already a seasoned songwriter and music producer before making his option to Hollywood in the late 1960s.
A central control box monitors several motion detectors and perimeter guards and sounds an alarm when any of them are triggered.
Buick’s Roadmaster was restyled after the conflict to be more interesting to consumers but did not essentially hit its mark.
You, as the homeowner, are probably liable for the visitor’s damage.
Cheaper prices -Most of the online stores are offering customers one of the best option of buying the at extremely discounted costs when procuring it in better quantities.
Similar variations between judiciaries create uncertainties about how the courts will rule on contested laws and authorities actions.
But the actual concept may be very straightforward if defined by simple examples.
Many had been linked to the failed revolutions of 1848, which partly influenced the state’s development as a center of labor and social activism.
As a rule the business producers have entry to such a market as supermarkets have specified high quality and amount of products that the majority smallholder farmers fail to meet.
But that is magic we are talking about.
It’s essential to enforce present laws against overharvesting of seashells and to encourage the general public to go for images over physical keepsakes from beaches.
There are two essential varieties of property taxes: the annual tax and land switch tax.
In April 2017, the government introduced a 334 sq.
The detailed report of online mortgage refinance rates on principle amount, earlier mortgage closing costs in accordance with the present curiosity charges lets borrowers predict the actual costs they need to incur.
March 2010 – Might 2010 was the symbol consolidation period wherein all outgoing option roots can be replaced with the underlying inventory image.
The cash is definitely there to beat these hurdles.
It?s exhausting to search out educated individuals on this topic, however you sound like you realize what you?re speaking about! Thanks
It’s hard to come by knowledgeable people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
A great post without any doubt.
Thank you for sharing indeed great looking !
A great post without any doubt.
I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I don’t know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!
Simply wish to say your article is as amazing. The clearness in your post is just nice and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.
Electrical Necessities: The pump room needs to be designed to meet native electrical codes and supply quick access to electrical panels.
The information shared is of top quality which has to get appreciated at all levels. Well done…
Thank you for sharing indeed great looking !
Thanks for the thoughts you are sharing on this blog. Another thing I’d prefer to say is that often getting hold of duplicates of your credit rating in order to scrutinize accuracy of any detail will be the first motion you have to undertake in credit improvement. You are looking to thoroughly clean your credit profile from harmful details mistakes that spoil your credit score.
When we might all wish to be completely self enough in managing our equity plans, the truth is that method administration is complex and dynamic.
Rear Admiral Douglas Morrison Dow.
For each engagement, we gather a bunch with the most suitable expertise and potential.
The financial institution may shut down on Friday and open Monday after the takeover.
The primary waterways, the San Jacinto River and the Buffalo Bayou, meander slowly, laden with mud, and have little capability for carrying storm water.
Peter’s Church once they moved out to Germantown.
They may goal a selected city, state or neighborhood.
Volunteers who reside outside the world may have a meal delivered from an area restaurant.
Simply wish to say your article is as amazing. The clearness in your post is just nice and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.
Wow, wonderful blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is great, as well as the content!
The simple purpose why the Ugg boot has turn into the cockroach of the trend world, surviving annihilation by new traits, is that they are blissfully, shamefully snug.
I am not sure where you’re getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this information for my mission.
The organisation’s threat appetite, its internal policies and exterior laws represent the rules of GRC.
Built right into the ocean simulation is a particle system that creates millions of particles each time a wave collides with an object, whether it is a boat, an individual or another wave.
On the next web page, we are going to get started by studying extra about selecting music for the ceremony and the reception in addition to discovering a florist.
How Can Companies Use It?
Air site visitors controllers are workers of the federal government.