This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
4,852 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
Simply wish to say your article is as astounding. The clearness in your post is just cool and i can assume you are an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the rewarding work.
There are many options obtainable in the market, Traders can select commodities futures trading.
Christopher Nolan’s storytelling is always mind-blowing. Every movie feels like a masterpiece, and the way he plays with time and perception is just genius.
F*ckin? remarkable issues here. I am very happy to see your post. Thank you a lot and i’m taking a look forward to touch you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
I get pleasure from, cause I found just what I used to be having a look for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye
I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this hike.
This article is a breath of fresh air! The author’s unique perspective and thoughtful analysis have made this a truly fascinating read. I’m appreciative for the effort he has put into crafting such an informative and mind-stimulating piece. Thank you, author, for sharing your knowledge and igniting meaningful discussions through your brilliant writing!
This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your great post. Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!
wonderful post, very informative. I wonder why the other specialists of this sector do not notice this. You must continue your writing. I’m confident, you have a huge readers’ base already!
Nothing beats homemade pasta. The texture and flavor are just on another level compared to store-bought versions. Cooking from scratch is truly an art.
I have realized that in video cameras, specialized devices help to {focus|concentrate|maintain focus|target|a**** automatically. The actual sensors associated with some cams change in contrast, while others start using a beam involving infra-red (IR) light, specifically in low lumination. Higher specs cameras occasionally use a mixture of both systems and probably have Face Priority AF where the digital camera can ‘See’ any face while focusing only on that. Thank you for sharing your thinking on this website.
Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyways, I’m definitely delighted I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!
????
????
????????????????
So, when you are shopping around make sure the window tinting company works well with 3M manufacturers.
Other groups provide information and educational materials to parents and lobby for stiffer penalties for offenders.
From hotel booking to airline reservation, from worldwide business conferences to local schooling roadshows, from an exhibition of recent products to streamlining execution of coaching packages, from maximising the coverage of what you are promoting, Tamarind International has the whole lot for you.
It will support in cravings and cleansing your digestive tract.
Each section is its personal “cause package” with over 20 pages of information, together with information articles, statistics, fundraising concepts, and more.
Following the unification of the Median and Persian empires in 550 BCE, Cyrus the good and, later, his son Cambyses II curtailed the powers of the Magi after they’d tried to sow dissent following their lack of influence.
Though the time period heat sink most likely isn’t one most individuals think of when they hear the phrase pc, it must be.
Your house is valueble for me. Thanks!?
Howdy! Would you mind if I share your blog with my zynga group? There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Many thanks
I discovered your blog website on google and verify a couple of of your early posts. Proceed to maintain up the excellent operate. I just extra up your RSS feed to my MSN Information Reader. In search of ahead to reading extra from you afterward!?
One thing I would really like to say is the fact that before acquiring more computer system memory, look into the machine within which it could be installed. In the event the machine is running Windows XP, for instance, the particular memory limit is 3.25GB. Using a lot more than this would simply constitute any waste. Make sure that one’s mother board can handle the actual upgrade quantity, as well. Good blog post.
Thanks for your write-up. One other thing is when you are selling your property on your own, one of the troubles you need to be alert to upfront is when to deal with house inspection reviews. As a FSBO owner, the key to successfully switching your property along with saving money about real estate agent profits is awareness. The more you are aware of, the easier your home sales effort is going to be. One area when this is particularly significant is assessments.
It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you few interesting things or advice. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I want to read more things about it!
Hey there! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the outstanding work!
I’m in awe of the author’s capability to make intricate concepts understandable to readers of all backgrounds. This article is a testament to his expertise and dedication to providing valuable insights. Thank you, author, for creating such an captivating and enlightening piece. It has been an unforgettable experience to read!
I always spent my half an hour to read this website’s posts all the time along with a cup of coffee.|
Thanks for your article. One other thing is individual states in the United states of america have their very own laws that will affect house owners, which makes it extremely tough for the our lawmakers to come up with a brand new set of guidelines concerning foreclosures on home owners. The problem is that a state has own legislation which may work in an unfavorable manner with regards to foreclosure insurance plans.
I will immediately take hold of your rss as I can not to find your email subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Please allow me realize in order that I may just subscribe. Thanks.
Thanks , I’ve just been searching for info approximately this topic for a while and yours is the greatest I have discovered till now. But, what in regards to the bottom line? Are you sure concerning the supply?
Thanks for the strategies you are giving on this blog. Another thing I would really like to say is that getting hold of copies of your credit profile in order to look at accuracy of the detail will be the first action you have to perform in credit improvement. You are looking to clean up your credit profile from destructive details flaws that wreck your credit score.
Select from a spread of stunning diamonds Luxe Jewelry and settings to design the proper piece.
New York Metropolis needed to import firewood from New Jersey and pay customs duties,” Randall says. “It price extra to import something from New York to Connecticut than it did to get it from Europe.
Thanks for another excellent article. Where else could anyone get that kind of information in such an ideal way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such info.
Helpful content!
Good job!
One quick glance at Karl Marx’s curriculum vitae says too much.
The market movements are although choppy at times, but a seasoned trader knows the right time if it is a rally or a crash.
This consists of everyone you do enterprise with or care to communicate with.
Viagra
Porn site
Porn
Buy Drugs
The FIAT Uno was only produced from 1983 to 1994, but in 11 years sold to the tune of 4 million units-and did it all in a county with a population of just 60 million people.
Porn
Buy Drugs