This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,980 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
What i don’t realize is in reality how you are not actually much more smartly-preferred than you might be now. You are so intelligent. You know therefore significantly relating to this topic, produced me individually consider it from so many varied angles. Its like men and women aren’t interested except it?s one thing to do with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs great. At all times maintain it up!
Wow! I’m in awe of the author’s writing skills and ability to convey complex concepts in a clear and precise manner. This article is a true gem that merits all the praise it can get. Thank you so much, author, for sharing your expertise and offering us with such a precious treasure. I’m truly appreciative!
Helpful info. Fortunate me I found your site by chance, and I am stunned why this coincidence did not happened in advance! I bookmarked it.
An attention-grabbing discussion is price comment. I believe that you need to write extra on this matter, it may not be a taboo topic but generally individuals are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers
Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up very fast! What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol|
Superb site you have here but I was curious about if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics talked about in this article? I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get opinions from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Appreciate it!|
justlend v1
guncel ozturk
fantastic post, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this. You should continue your writing. I’m confident, you have a huge readers’ base already!
Good web site! I truly love how it is simple on my eyes and the data are well written. I am wondering how I could be notified when a new post has been made. I’ve subscribed to your feed which must do the trick! Have a great day!
We are a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our whole community will be grateful to you.
justlend v1
Great post. I’m going through many of these issues as well..
Hi there! This post could not be written much better! Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I most certainly will forward this information to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!
One thing I have actually noticed is the fact there are plenty of fallacies regarding the finance institutions intentions when talking about foreclosure. One fable in particular is the bank needs to have your house. The lender wants your money, not the house. They want the funds they gave you with interest. Averting the bank is only going to draw a foreclosed final result. Thanks for your write-up.
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I?ll try to get the hang of it!
Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossips and internet and this is really frustrating. A good web site with interesting content, that is what I need. Thank you for keeping this web site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.
Very good post! We are linking to this great article on our website. Keep up the great writing.
It’s hard to come by well-informed people about this subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
Can I simply say what a comfort to uncover an individual who truly understands what they are talking about on the web. You certainly know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. A lot more people ought to look at this and understand this side of your story. I was surprised that you aren’t more popular given that you most certainly have the gift.
Hi! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after looking at some of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m certainly pleased I discovered it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back often.
There’s definately a lot to find out about this issue. I love all of the points you’ve made.
Good site you have got here.. It’s difficult to find high quality writing like yours these days. I honestly appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!
I have come to understand that service fees for online degree specialists tend to be an excellent value. For example a full Bachelor’s Degree in Communication with the University of Phoenix Online consists of 60 credits at $515/credit or $30,900. Also American Intercontinental University Online offers a Bachelors of Business Administration with a complete study course element of 180 units and a tariff of $30,560. Online studying has made taking your college diploma far more easy because you can easily earn your current degree in the comfort of your home and when you finish from office. Thanks for all the tips I have certainly learned from your web site.
This design is incredible! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!
Thanks for the unique tips provided on this blog site. I have noticed that many insurance carriers offer prospects generous discount rates if they prefer to insure a few cars with them. A significant variety of households have several cars or trucks these days, particularly people with more mature teenage kids still residing at home, and also the savings on policies can soon begin. So it is good to look for a great deal.
You should take part in a contest for one of the finest websites on the web. I am going to recommend this website!
Wonderful article! We are linking to this particularly great post on our site. Keep up the good writing.
I couldn’t resist commenting. Well written.
I couldn’t resist commenting. Very well written!
bookmarked!!, I love your site!
You made some really good points there. I checked on the web for more information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this website.
I got this site from my pal who informed me about this site and now this time I am browsing this website and reading very informative articles at this place.|
Another thing I’ve really noticed is that for many people, bad credit is the consequence of circumstances further than their control. As an example they may be actually saddled by having an illness and because of this they have excessive bills going to collections. It could be due to a employment loss and the inability to work. Sometimes divorce can really send the financial circumstances in the undesired direction. Many thanks sharing your notions on this blog site.
Hi there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any tips?
I am curious to find out what blog platform you have been utilizing? I’m having some small security problems with my latest site and I would like to find something more risk-free. Do you have any solutions?|
Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It’s always useful to read through articles from other authors and use a little something from other sites.
I have learned result-oriented things out of your blog post. One other thing to I have observed is that generally, FSBO sellers are going to reject you. Remember, they would prefer to not ever use your expert services. But if an individual maintain a gentle, professional partnership, offering support and being in contact for four to five weeks, you will usually be able to win a discussion. From there, a listing follows. Thanks
Can I simply just say what a relief to discover somebody who genuinely knows what they are discussing on the net. You definitely know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More people really need to read this and understand this side of your story. I can’t believe you aren’t more popular given that you definitely possess the gift.
Howdy! This post could not be written any better! Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept preaching about this. I am going to forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
I love reading through an article that can make people think. Also, thanks for allowing for me to comment.
Spot on with this write-up, I truly feel this website needs far more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the advice.
Very nice blog post. I definitely love this website. Thanks!
I need to to thank you for this great read!! I certainly loved every bit of it. I’ve got you saved as a favorite to check out new things you post…
Thx for your post. I’d really like to comment that the price of car insurance varies widely from one policy to another, due to the fact there are so many different facets which play a role in the overall cost. For instance, the model and make of the car will have a large bearing on the price. A reliable old family car will have an inexpensive premium than just a flashy performance car.
whoah this blog is magnificent i love studying your articles. Stay up the great work! You already know, a lot of individuals are hunting around for this information, you can help them greatly.
Having read this I believed it was extremely enlightening. I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this content together. I once again find myself spending way too much time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worth it.
I?m now not certain where you’re getting your info, however good topic. I must spend a while studying more or working out more. Thanks for magnificent information I was searching for this info for my mission.
Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Thanks, However I am encountering troubles with your RSS. I don’t know why I cannot join it. Is there anybody getting identical RSS problems? Anybody who knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanks.
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this article plus the rest of the website is also very good.