This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,975 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
I was skeptical, but after a week of fiat on-ramp, the low fees convinced me. The dashboard gives a complete view of my holdings.
Hi there, I discovered your blog by means of Google even as searching for a related subject, your site came up, it looks good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
My programmer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on a variety of websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard excellent things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress content into it? Any help would be really appreciated!
Thanks for your short article. I would like to say a health insurance specialist also works best for the benefit of the coordinators of your group insurance plan. The health insurance broker is given a long list of benefits sought by someone or a group coordinator. Exactly what a broker really does is hunt for individuals and also coordinators which usually best complement those requirements. Then he reveals his ideas and if the two of you agree, the actual broker formulates an agreement between the 2 parties.
wonderful points altogether, you just gained a new reader. What would you recommend about your post that you made a few days ago? Any positive?
I have observed that car insurance firms know the cars and trucks which are vulnerable to accidents and other risks. They also know what sort of cars are inclined to higher risk and the higher risk they have the higher the particular premium fee. Understanding the basic basics involving car insurance will assist you to choose the right sort of insurance policy that will take care of your needs in case you become involved in any accident. Many thanks sharing the particular ideas on your blog.
Superb website you have here but I was curious if you knew of any community forums that cover the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really like to be a part of group where I can get suggestions from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Bless you!
Saved as a favorite, I like your website!
Having read this I thought it was really informative. I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this information together. I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worth it.
Excellent site you have here.. It’s hard to find good quality writing like yours these days. I honestly appreciate people like you! Take care!!
The next time I read a blog, Hopefully it won’t fail me as much as this particular one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read through, nonetheless I truly thought you would probably have something useful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you were not too busy searching for attention.
Your style is so unique compared to other folks I’ve read stuff from. Thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just book mark this blog.
The swapping tokens tools are quick deposits and trustworthy service. I moved funds across chains without a problem.
I believe that avoiding processed foods is a first step to be able to lose weight. They will often taste great, but refined foods have very little vitamins and minerals, making you feed on more just to have enough energy to get over the day. If you’re constantly feeding on these foods, moving over to whole grain products and other complex carbohydrates will help you to have more vitality while consuming less. Interesting blog post.
Excellent write-up. I definitely appreciate this site. Continue the good work!
I used to be able to find good info from your content.
I was skeptical, but after almost a year of cross-chain transfers, the stable performance convinced me.
Hi there, I think your site could be having web browser compatibility problems. Whenever I look at your site in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening in I.E., it’s got some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Other than that, fantastic website.
Hi there! This article could not be written any better! Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept preaching about this. I most certainly will send this information to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!
Hello there! This post couldn’t be written much better! Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I am going to forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a very good read. Many thanks for sharing!
I’ve been active for over two years, mostly for learning crypto basics, and it’s always fast transactions.
After going over a number of the blog posts on your web page, I truly appreciate your technique of blogging. I added it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back in the near future. Please check out my website as well and tell me your opinion.
The portfolio tracking tools are seamless withdrawals and great support.
You actually make it seem really easy together with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I feel I might never understand. It seems too complex and very extensive for me. I am taking a look ahead on your next submit, I will try to get the cling of it!
May I just say what a relief to uncover an individual who truly knows what they are talking about on the net. You certainly realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people must check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you’re not more popular since you definitely have the gift.
Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any recommendations for inexperienced blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.
Pretty great post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to mention that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I will be subscribing for your rss feed and I am hoping you write once more very soon!
I personally find that i’ve been active for since launch, mostly for testing new tokens, and it’s always low fees.
Great info. Lucky me I recently found your blog by accident (stumbleupon). I have book-marked it for later.
Great web site you have got here.. It’s difficult to find quality writing like yours nowadays. I seriously appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!
I personally find that fast onboarding, trustworthy service, and a team that actually cares. Charts are accurate and load instantly.
Customer support was professional, which gave me confidence to continue. Support solved my issue in minutes.
I wanted to thank you for this excellent read!! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it. I’ve got you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post…
The portfolio tracking tools are quick deposits and fast transactions.
The using the mobile app tools are intuitive UI and clear transparency.
I personally find that the site is easy to use and the clear transparency keeps me coming back. The dashboard gives a complete view of my holdings.
???????? ???? ?? ??????????? ???? ??????
????? ????? ?????. ??? ??????? ?? ????? ??????? ???????
??? ?? ???? ???????? ???? ?? ???? ?? ??
?????????? ???. ??? ??? ??? ???? ?? ??????? ???? ??????? ???? ???? ?? ??????? ? ??????? ???? ??????.
???? ??? ???? ????? ??????? ??!
I was skeptical, but after a few days of cross-chain transfers, the stable performance convinced me. Definitely recommend to anyone in crypto.
The cross-chain transfers tools are responsive team and seamless withdrawals.
I personally find that fees are wide token selection, and the execution is always smooth. Support solved my issue in minutes.
???? ?? ??? ????? ?? ??? ????
?? ?????????? ????????
???? ?????. ??? ??????? ????? ?? ???? ????? ? ????? ??? ???????? ??????????.
??? ?? ??????? ??????? ????? ????? ???? ?
?? ??? ???? ????? ????????? ??????? ? ???? ????.
??????? ?? ???? ??????? ??? ???? ??? ?????? ? ????? ?? ????? ????????.
?? ?? ???? ??????!
Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very useful info specially the last part 🙂 I care for such info a lot. I was seeking this certain information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.
Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your site is so cool. I’m impressed by the details that you?ve on this site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for more articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the info I already searched all over the place and simply couldn’t come across. What a great web-site.
It?s really a nice and helpful piece of information. I?m glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.
Magnificent website. Plenty of useful information here. I am sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thanks for your sweat!
I have observed that in the world of today, video games are the latest phenomenon with kids of all ages. Many times it may be out of the question to drag the kids away from the games. If you want the very best of both worlds, there are numerous educational video games for kids. Interesting post.
My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find a lot of your post’s to be precisely what I’m looking for. can you offer guest writers to write content available for you? I wouldn’t mind publishing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome web log!
Hi there, just became aware of your weblog thru Google, and located that it is truly informative. I?m going to be careful for brussels. I will appreciate if you happen to proceed this in future. Many folks will probably be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!
???? ?? ???? ???????? ???? ??? ???? ?? ??????????
????????. ??? ????????? ?? ????? ??????? ????? ?? ??? ???????? ??? ?? ?????? ????? ???? ?????.
??????? ?? ???? ?????????? ???? ????? ? ???? ?? ????? ??????? ???? ??????.
??????????? ?? ?????? ????? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ???
?? ?????? ???!
Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon everyday. It’s always exciting to read through content from other writers and use something from other web sites.