This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,963 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
I’ve been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this blog. Thank you, I will try and check back more often. How frequently you update your website?
Thanks for the tips you discuss through this site. In addition, quite a few young women who seem to become pregnant don’t even aim to get health care insurance because they fear they would not qualify. Although some states today require that insurers present coverage in spite of the pre-existing conditions. Costs on these kind of guaranteed options are usually bigger, but when taking into consideration the high cost of medical care bills it may be your safer route to take to protect a person’s financial future.
I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site. I really hope to view the same high-grade content from you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my very own site now 😉
This website certainly has all the information and facts I needed about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.
wonderful points altogether, you just gained a new reader. What would you recommend about your post that you made a few days ago? Any positive?
Thanks for your posting. One other thing is that individual American states have their very own laws that affect homeowners, which makes it extremely tough for the the nation’s lawmakers to come up with a different set of rules concerning property foreclosures on house owners. The problem is that a state features own legislation which may work in an unwanted manner on the subject of foreclosure policies.
Thanks for the suggestions you are discussing on this blog site. Another thing I would really like to say is that often getting hold of some copies of your credit score in order to check accuracy of the detail is one first step you have to conduct in repairing credit. You are looking to cleanse your credit reports from damaging details faults that ruin your credit score.
Some tips i have constantly told persons is that while looking for a good on-line electronics shop, there are a few variables that you have to factor in. First and foremost, you should make sure to find a reputable and in addition, reliable retail store that has received great opinions and scores from other customers and marketplace leaders. This will ensure that you are handling a well-known store that can offer good support and aid to its patrons. Thank you for sharing your opinions on this site.
very good submit, i actually love this web site, keep on it
Thanks for discussing your ideas on this blog. Likewise, a fable regarding the banking institutions intentions when talking about home foreclosure is that the standard bank will not take my installments. There is a degree of time in which the bank will need payments every now and then. If you are also deep inside hole, they’ll commonly call that you pay that payment entirely. However, i am not saying that they will have any sort of repayments at all. When you and the bank can manage to work a thing out, a foreclosure course of action may halt. However, if you ever continue to pass up payments within the new plan, the foreclosure process can just pick up exactly where it left off.
These days of austerity plus relative stress about taking on debt, many individuals balk about the idea of making use of a credit card to make purchase of merchandise or even pay for any occasion, preferring, instead just to rely on the actual tried as well as trusted technique of making settlement – raw cash. However, if you’ve got the cash there to make the purchase completely, then, paradoxically, this is the best time to use the cards for several factors.
Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I’m impressed! Very useful info particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this certain information for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.
Aw, this was a very nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to create a very good article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.|
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation however I find this topic to be really something which I feel I would never understand. It sort of feels too complex and very extensive for me. I’m having a look ahead in your subsequent post, I?ll try to get the grasp of it!
Thanks for your write-up. One other thing is that if you are marketing your property yourself, one of the issues you need to be cognizant of upfront is just how to deal with house inspection reports. As a FSBO home owner, the key to successfully transferring your property in addition to saving money with real estate agent commission rates is knowledge. The more you recognize, the smoother your sales effort are going to be. One area in which this is particularly critical is inspection reports.
I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the format on your blog. Is that this a paid topic or did you modify it yourself? Anyway stay up the excellent high quality writing, it is uncommon to look a great blog like this one these days..|
Oh my goodness! an incredible article dude. Thank you Nevertheless I am experiencing issue with ur rss . Don?t know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody getting equivalent rss problem? Anyone who knows kindly respond. Thnkx
Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Thanks, However I am having issues with your RSS. I don’t know the reason why I am unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone else having the same RSS problems? Anyone that knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanx!
Pretty! This has been a really wonderful post. Many thanks for providing these details.
Very good article. I will be facing many of these issues as well..
I need to to thank you for this wonderful read!! I absolutely loved every little bit of it. I have you saved as a favorite to look at new stuff you post…
I seriously love your website.. Excellent colors & theme. Did you build this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m trying to create my own personal blog and want to know where you got this from or just what the theme is named. Cheers!
What’s up colleagues, its wonderful paragraph regarding educationand entirely defined, keep it up all the time.|
Hey I am so grateful I found your blog, I really found you by mistake, while I was researching on Bing for something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a tremendous post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to go through it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the great work.|
I love it when individuals come together and share ideas. Great website, stick with it.
It’s hard to come by educated people for this subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this superb blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new updates and will share this website with my Facebook group. Talk soon!|
Greetings, There’s no doubt that your web site could be having web browser compatibility issues. When I take a look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping issues. I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Aside from that, fantastic site!
Useful information. Fortunate me I found your site by accident, and I am shocked why this accident didn’t took place in advance! I bookmarked it.|
Your style is very unique in comparison to other people I have read stuff from. Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book mark this web site.
Great blog you have here.. It’s difficult to find high quality writing like yours nowadays. I truly appreciate people like you! Take care!!
Next time I read a blog, I hope that it won’t disappoint me just as much as this particular one. After all, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually believed you’d have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of crying about something that you could fix if you weren’t too busy searching for attention.
This website was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something that helped me. Thank you.
Thanks very nice blog!|
bookmarked!!, I love your blog!
I like it when individuals come together and share views. Great website, keep it up!
You made some decent points there. I looked on the internet to find out more about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.
I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem. You’re wonderful! Thanks!|
Very nice write-up. I definitely appreciate this site. Thanks!
I used to be able to find good information from your content.
This is a really good tip especially to those new to the blogosphere. Brief but very precise information… Many thanks for sharing this one. A must read article!|
Pretty! This was a really wonderful post. Many thanks for providing these details.
Good information. Lucky me I ran across your site by chance (stumbleupon). I’ve book marked it for later.
This is the right site for anyone who really wants to understand this topic. You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want to…HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a subject that’s been discussed for decades. Excellent stuff, just wonderful.
Good article! We will be linking to this particularly great article on our site. Keep up the good writing.
This is one of the best postings I’ve came across in quite a while. Nice work.
Great post. It’s very well organized and quite informative. Stick with it.
I blog quite often and I really thank you for your content. Your article has really peaked my interest. I will book mark your blog and keep checking for new information about once a week. I subscribed to your Feed as well.
Pretty! This has been an incredibly wonderful article. Thanks for supplying this info.
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this article and the rest of the website is also very good.