This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,965 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
This is the perfect blog for everyone who really wants to understand this topic. You understand a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally would want to…HaHa). You certainly put a fresh spin on a subject that’s been written about for ages. Great stuff, just wonderful.
This is a topic which is close to my heart… Take care! Exactly where can I find the contact details for questions?
I seriously love your website.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you build this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m planning to create my very own blog and would love to find out where you got this from or what the theme is called. Many thanks.
This is a topic which is close to my heart… Many thanks! Exactly where are your contact details though?
Next time I read a blog, I hope that it won’t disappoint me as much as this particular one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read through, nonetheless I really believed you would have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something you could fix if you were not too busy seeking attention.
Everything is very open with a really clear clarification of the issues. It was truly informative. Your website is very helpful. Many thanks for sharing.
I switched from another service because of the intuitive UI and robust security. My withdrawals were always smooth.
Good post! We are linking to this great article on our website. Keep up the great writing.
Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this website. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s tough to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and appearance. I must say you’ve done a awesome job with this. Also, the blog loads super quick for me on Firefox. Exceptional Blog!|
Hello there, I found your blog via Google while looking for a similar topic, your web site came up, it seems to be good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and also the rest of the website is also very good.
I every time used to read paragraph in news papers but now as I am a user of net thus from now I am using net for articles or reviews, thanks to web.|
I always emailed this website post page to all my contacts, for the reason that if like to read it after that my contacts will too.|
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is excellent blog. A fantastic read. I will definitely be back.|
I have been surfing on-line more than 3 hours nowadays, but I never discovered any fascinating article like yours. It is lovely value enough for me. In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made just right content material as you probably did, the web might be much more useful than ever before.|
Good day! I just want to give you a big thumbs up for the great information you’ve got here on this post. I will be returning to your blog for more soon.
Nicely written post. I honestly like the topic covered here. I’ll come back from time to time for more postings like this one.
I blog often and I truly thank you for your information. Your article has really peaked my interest. I will bookmark your website and keep checking for new information about once a week. I opted in for your Feed as well.
I personally find that i’ve been using it for over two years for using the mobile app, and the clear transparency stands out. Great for cross-chain swaps with minimal slippage.
The swapping tokens process is simple and the stable performance makes it even better. Definitely recommend to anyone in crypto.
An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a coworker who has been conducting a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me lunch because I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending time to discuss this subject here on your web page.
I personally find that reese here — I’ve tried fiat on-ramp and the clear transparency impressed me.
Nicely written post. I honestly like the topic covered here. I’ll check back from time to time for more posts like this one.
Hi there I am so happy I found your website, I really found you by error, while I was searching on Askjeeve for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to say thanks a lot for a tremendous post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it all at the minute but I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the fantastic work.|
Appreciation to my father who stated to me regarding this web site, this web site is truly amazing.|
Thank you a bunch for sharing this with all of us you actually understand what you’re talking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly also consult with my site =). We could have a hyperlink change contract among us|
Nice answers in return of this query with genuine arguments and describing everything on the topic of that.|
The best choice I made for checking analytics. Smooth and scalable features. The mobile app makes daily use simple.
I personally find that drew here — I’ve tried learning crypto basics and the trustworthy service impressed me.
There’s definately a lot to learn about this subject. I really like all the points you made.
Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It’s always exciting to read through content from other writers and practice a little something from other web sites.
This website was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something which helped me. Thanks a lot.
I really like it when folks get together and share opinions. Great site, continue the good work!
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your blog? My blog site is in the very same niche as yours and my users would definitely benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this okay with you. Thank you!|
An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a coworker who has been conducting a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me dinner because I found it for him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending the time to discuss this issue here on your internet site.
Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to generate a top notch article… but what can I say… I put things off a whole lot and never manage to get nearly anything done.
The portfolio tracking process is simple and the clear transparency makes it even better. Charts are accurate and load instantly.
The best choice I made for swapping tokens. Smooth and easy onboarding. The dashboard gives a complete view of my holdings.
Good post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every day. It will always be useful to read articles from other writers and use something from other web sites.
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this post and the rest of the site is extremely good.
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after browsing through many of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Anyways, I’m certainly happy I stumbled upon it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!
Valuable info. Fortunate me I discovered your web site by accident, and I am stunned why this accident didn’t took place earlier! I bookmarked it.|
I’ve been active for since launch, mostly for using the bridge, and it’s always stable performance.
Hello every one, here every one is sharing such know-how, therefore it’s good to read this website, and I used to pay a quick visit this website daily.|
What i do not realize is in fact how you’re not really much more neatly-preferred than you might be right now. You are so intelligent. You know thus significantly with regards to this matter, produced me for my part believe it from so many numerous angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be interested except it is something to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your individual stuffs outstanding. At all times take care of it up!|
The interface is useful analytics, and I enjoy using the API here.
Great platform with low fees — it made my crypto journey easier. The dashboard gives a complete view of my holdings.
I was more than happy to discover this page. I need to to thank you for ones time for this wonderful read!! I definitely liked every part of it and i also have you saved to fav to check out new things on your site.
Thanks for the distinct tips provided on this weblog. I have realized that many insurance companies offer buyers generous deals if they opt to insure several cars together. A significant variety of households own several cars these days, particularly people with more mature teenage kids still residing at home, along with the savings upon policies might soon increase. So it pays off to look for a bargain.
hello!,I like your writing so much! share we communicate more about your post on AOL? I need a specialist on this area to solve my problem. Maybe that’s you! Looking forward to see you.