This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,962 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
What an eye-opening and meticulously-researched article! The author’s meticulousness and ability to present complex ideas in a digestible manner is truly praiseworthy. I’m extremely captivated by the breadth of knowledge showcased in this piece. Thank you, author, for offering your wisdom with us. This article has been a real game-changer!
Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you so much, However I am having difficulties with your RSS. I don’t know the reason why I can’t join it. Is there anyone else getting similar RSS issues? Anyone who knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanx!
After I initially commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I get four emails with the exact same comment. There has to be a way you can remove me from that service? Appreciate it.
Hello there, I believe your blog could possibly be having browser compatibility problems. Whenever I look at your web site in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in I.E., it’s got some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other than that, excellent blog.
You made some really good points there. I looked on the net to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this web site.
I blog often and I truly appreciate your information. Your article has really peaked my interest. I will take a note of your website and keep checking for new details about once per week. I opted in for your Feed too.
Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always be exciting to read content from other writers and use something from their web sites.
Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely think this site needs a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read more, thanks for the information.
Great blog you’ve got here.. It’s difficult to find good quality writing like yours nowadays. I honestly appreciate people like you! Take care!!
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I’m hoping you write again very soon!
Great post. I’m facing some of these issues as well..
Aw, this was an extremely good post. Taking the time and actual effort to create a superb article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a whole lot and don’t manage to get nearly anything done.
The very next time I read a blog, I hope that it does not disappoint me as much as this particular one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read through, but I truly thought you’d have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of complaining about something that you could fix if you were not too busy searching for attention.
Hello there, I found your website via Google while looking for a related topic, your web site came up, it looks good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a coworker who was conducting a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me dinner simply because I found it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending time to discuss this subject here on your blog.
medhair
bookmarked!!, I love your blog.
Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your website? My blog site is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from a lot of the information you present here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Regards!
Wow! This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs We have ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Fantastic. I am also an expert in this topic so I can understand your effort.
This is one of the best posts I’ve came across in quite some time. Good work.
Now this is quality content. You can tell that plenty of thought when into this post. Keep it up.
Interesting blog post. Some tips i would like to add is that pc memory ought to be purchased if the computer cannot cope with anything you do by using it. One can add two good old ram boards containing 1GB each, as an example, but not certainly one of 1GB and one with 2GB. One should always check the car maker’s documentation for the PC to be certain what type of ram it can take.
Fantastic site you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get advice from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Many thanks!
What i don’t understood is actually how you are not really much more well-liked than you might be now. You are very intelligent. You realize therefore significantly relating to this subject, made me personally consider it from a lot of varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated unless it?s one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. Always maintain it up!
Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the internet the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they just do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
This is one of the best posts I’ve read in quite some time. Good work.
This is a great page. It’s very informative and well organized. I’ll check back for more posts like this one.
medhair
Simply desire to say your article is as amazing. The clarity for your submit is just cool and that i can think you’re a professional on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with drawing close post. Thank you a million and please carry on the rewarding work.
Thanks for sharing your ideas here. The other matter is that any time a problem develops with a computer motherboard, people should not consider the risk associated with repairing the item themselves for if it is not done properly it can lead to irreparable damage to an entire laptop. It’s usually safe to approach a dealer of a laptop with the repair of that motherboard. They’ve got technicians with an skills in dealing with notebook computer motherboard problems and can make the right analysis and carry out repairs.
Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks
Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually is aware of what theyre speaking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know the right way to bring an issue to gentle and make it important. Extra folks have to learn this and perceive this aspect of the story. I cant consider youre no more widespread since you definitely have the gift.
Thanks for another wonderful article. The place else could anybody get that kind of information in such a perfect approach of writing? I have a presentation subsequent week, and I’m at the search for such information.
Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your design. Thank you
I’ve been absent for some time, but now I remember why I used to love this web site. Thanks , I will try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your web site?
Thanks for your article on the travel industry. We would also like to add that if you’re a senior thinking of traveling, it’s absolutely crucial that you buy travel insurance for elderly people. When traveling, senior citizens are at high risk of getting a professional medical emergency. Having the right insurance package in your age group can look after your health and provide peace of mind.
Somebody essentially help to make seriously posts I would state. That is the first time I frequented your website page and up to now? I surprised with the research you made to make this actual publish extraordinary. Excellent job!
F*ckin? amazing things here. I am very happy to peer your article. Thanks so much and i’m having a look ahead to touch you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. A lot of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
This really answered my problem, thanks!
The next time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to read, but I actually thought youd have one thing interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you would repair for those who werent too busy looking for attention.
Wow, awesome blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is wonderful, let alone the content!
I personally find that this platform exceeded my expectations with accurate charts and easy onboarding. Definitely recommend to anyone in crypto.
The site is easy to use and the stable performance keeps me coming back. Definitely recommend to anyone in crypto.
I was skeptical, but after almost a year of using the API, the fast transactions convinced me.
The testing new tokens tools are useful analytics and scalable features.
I switched from another service because of the quick deposits and clear transparency.
I would also love to add that if you do not currently have an insurance policy or perhaps you do not remain in any group insurance, you may well really benefit from seeking assistance from a health agent. Self-employed or people with medical conditions normally seek the help of the health insurance agent. Thanks for your post.
Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!
Good blog post. Things i would like to add is that laptop or computer memory should be purchased when your computer still cannot cope with anything you do along with it. One can set up two RAM boards containing 1GB each, by way of example, but not one of 1GB and one having 2GB. One should always check the company’s documentation for one’s PC to be sure what type of storage is required.