This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
1,811 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
What i don’t realize is in reality how you are no longer actually a lot more neatly-liked than you may be right now. You are very intelligent. You know therefore significantly with regards to this topic, produced me in my view imagine it from so many various angles. Its like men and women aren’t fascinated except it is one thing to accomplish with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs great. All the time handle it up!
Very well written article. It will be beneficial to everyone who employess it, as well as myself. Keep up the good work – can’r wait to read more posts.
I have read several good stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much effort you put to create such a wonderful informative web site.
Your writing always leaves me feeling inspired. Looking forward to your next post!
I every time spent my half an hour to read this website’s articles or reviews daily along with a cup of coffee.|
Admiring the commitment you put into your site and detailed information you provide. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed material. Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.|
Hello! I realize this is kind of off-topic however I needed to ask. Does operating a well-established blog like yours require a lot of work? I am completely new to operating a blog however I do write in my journal on a daily basis. I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to share my experience and views online. Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for brand new aspiring bloggers. Thankyou!|
Hi there, I believe your blog may be having internet browser compatibility issues. Whenever I look at your web site in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in IE, it has some overlapping issues. I simply wanted to give you a quick heads up! Apart from that, fantastic blog!
I was curious if you ever considered changing the layout of your website? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or 2 images. Maybe you could space it out better?|
I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this website. I’m hoping the same high-grade site post from you in the upcoming as well. Actually your creative writing skills has encouraged me to get my own website now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a great example of it.
Hello, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any help is very much appreciated.
Hello there, I believe your site could possibly be having internet browser compatibility issues. Whenever I look at your site in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in I.E., it has some overlapping issues. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Apart from that, great website!
Things i have observed in terms of computer memory is the fact there are specs such as SDRAM, DDR and the like, that must match the specific features of the motherboard. If the personal computer’s motherboard is kind of current while there are no operating system issues, changing the memory space literally normally takes under an hour. It’s one of many easiest laptop upgrade processes one can imagine. Thanks for revealing your ideas.
What?s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I have found It positively helpful and it has helped me out loads. I hope to contribute & assist other users like its aided me. Great job.
I like it when folks come together and share opinions. Great website, continue the good work.
Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your web-site is very cool. I’m impressed by the details that you’ve on this blog. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found simply the information I already searched all over the place and just couldn’t come across. What a great web-site.
After looking over a handful of the blog articles on your web site, I truly appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I saved as a favorite it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future. Please visit my website as well and tell me how you feel.
Hello my family member! I wish to say that this post is amazing, great written and come with approximately all important infos. I would like to see extra posts like this .
Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular article! It is the little changes that will make the most significant changes. Thanks for sharing!
Howdy I am so delighted I found your web site, I really found you by error, while I was researching on Bing for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say cheers for a fantastic post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to go through it all at the moment but I have saved it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the fantastic job.
One thing I would really like to discuss is that weightloss system fast can be performed by the right diet and exercise. People’s size not only affects the look, but also the actual quality of life. Self-esteem, depressive disorder, health risks, and also physical skills are damaged in putting on weight. It is possible to just make everything right and still gain. If this happens, a condition may be the reason. While an excessive amount of food and not enough workout are usually to blame, common medical ailments and key prescriptions can certainly greatly add to size. Thx for your post here.
Thanks for your write-up. Another point is that to be a photographer requires not only trouble in recording award-winning photographs and also hardships in acquiring the best photographic camera suited to your needs and most especially situations in maintaining the caliber of your camera. This can be very accurate and apparent for those photography addicts that are in to capturing the actual nature’s interesting scenes : the mountains, the particular forests, the wild or perhaps the seas. Going to these amazing places undoubtedly requires a digital camera that can surpass the wild’s unpleasant setting.
I wanted to thank you for this good read!! I certainly enjoyed every bit of it. I have you book marked to look at new stuff you post…
I believe that avoiding processed foods could be the first step to lose weight. They will often taste great, but highly processed foods have very little nutritional value, making you consume more in order to have enough energy to get throughout the day. When you are constantly ingesting these foods, transferring to grain and other complex carbohydrates will help you have more energy while consuming less. Good blog post.
Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing some research on that. And he actually bought me lunch as I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch!
This design is steller! You definitely know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!
I used to be very happy to find this web-site.I wanted to thanks to your time for this excellent read!! I undoubtedly enjoying every little little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you weblog post.
I really like it when individuals come together and share thoughts. Great website, continue the good work!
Good post! We are linking to this great article on our website. Keep up the great writing.
I have been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or weblog posts in this sort of house . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this website. Studying this information So i¦m glad to express that I’ve an incredibly just right uncanny feeling I discovered just what I needed. I such a lot undoubtedly will make sure to don¦t overlook this website and provides it a look regularly.
Buy Drugs
Porn site
Porn site
Buy Drugs
Hello There. I found your weblog the usage of msn. That is a very well written article. I?ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to read extra of your helpful info. Thanks for the post. I?ll definitely comeback.
Awesome blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your design. With thanks
Almanya’n?n En iyi medyum olarak bir dan??man için medyum haluk hocay? seçin en iyi medyum hocalardan bir tanesidir.
Nice blog here! Also your site loads up very fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol
Porn
Pornstar
Scam
Scam
Viagra
Viagra
Almanya’n?n En iyi medyum olarak bir dan??man için medyum haluk hocay? seçin en iyi medyum hocalardan bir tanesidir.
Porn
Based on my study, after a property foreclosure home is marketed at a bidding, it is common for your borrower in order to still have a remaining balance on the financial loan. There are many loan companies who seek to have all rates and liens paid back by the next buyer. Having said that, depending on a number of programs, polices, and state laws there may be a number of loans which aren’t easily settled through the exchange of personal loans. Therefore, the duty still falls on the borrower that has acquired his or her property foreclosed on. Many thanks sharing your opinions on this web site.
Thanks for your beneficial post. Through the years, I have come to be able to understand that the particular symptoms of mesothelioma are caused by this build up associated fluid involving the lining of your lung and the upper body cavity. The illness may start inside chest region and get distributed to other parts of the body. Other symptoms of pleural mesothelioma include weight-loss, severe respiration trouble, fever, difficulty eating, and puffiness of the face and neck areas. It needs to be noted that some people living with the disease usually do not experience virtually any serious signs at all.
alexisaevansleak, leaked, leakshttps://www.start.gg/user/19170a76
It is the best time to make a few plans for the longer term and it’s time to be happy. I have learn this publish and if I could I desire to suggest you some attention-grabbing things or tips. Perhaps you could write subsequent articles referring to this article. I want to read more issues about it!