This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
9,993 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?
The very next time I read a blog, I hope that it does not disappoint me just as much as this particular one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read, but I truly thought you would have something helpful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of crying about something you could fix if you were not too busy looking for attention.
Having read this I thought it was really informative. I appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this information together. I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!
A powerful share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a bit of analysis on this. And he in actual fact purchased me breakfast because I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! However yeah Thnkx for spending the time to debate this, I really feel strongly about it and love reading extra on this topic. If doable, as you grow to be experience, would you thoughts updating your blog with more particulars? It’s highly useful for me. Huge thumb up for this blog post!
Thanks for your publication. What I want to say is that when searching for a good on the net electronics retail outlet, look for a web page with comprehensive information on important factors such as the privacy statement, security details, any payment guidelines, and various terms plus policies. Continually take time to investigate the help along with FAQ sections to get a superior idea of the way the shop is effective, what they are able to do for you, and how you can make the most of the features.
Lottery Defeater Software: What is it? Lottery Defeater Software is a completely automated plug-and-play lottery-winning software. The Lottery Defeater software was developed by Kenneth.
Pretty element of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your weblog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing on your augment and even I achievement you get right of entry to constantly fast.
I have learned several important things through your post. I would also like to convey that there may be a situation where you will obtain a loan and don’t need a cosigner such as a Federal government Student Support Loan. When you are getting a borrowing arrangement through a common bank or investment company then you need to be able to have a cosigner ready to allow you to. The lenders will base their decision on the few issues but the main one will be your credit rating. There are some loan companies that will in addition look at your job history and make a decision based on this but in many cases it will depend on your scores.
I think other site proprietors should take this site as an model, very clean and wonderful user friendly style and design, as well as the content. You are an expert in this topic!
Buy Drugs
Scam
Porn site
Pornstar
Sex
Buy Drugs
I do love the manner in which you have framed this specific difficulty and it really does present me some fodder for thought. On the other hand, through what precisely I have observed, I simply wish as the comments pile on that people today continue to be on point and don’t get started on a soap box regarding the news of the day. All the same, thank you for this superb point and although I do not really go along with the idea in totality, I respect the point of view.
Outstanding post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Kudos!
I have realized that car insurance corporations know the cars and trucks which are at risk from accidents and other risks. Additionally they know what sort of cars are given to higher risk and also the higher risk they’ve the higher your premium fee. Understanding the uncomplicated basics connected with car insurance can help you choose the right kind of insurance policy that could take care of your preferences in case you get involved in an accident. Thanks for sharing a ideas with your blog.
Good blog you have got here.. It’s difficult to find good quality writing like yours nowadays. I seriously appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!
Good web site! I truly love how it is easy on my eyes and the data are well written. I am wondering how I could be notified whenever a new post has been made. I’ve subscribed to your RSS which must do the trick! Have a great day!
Thanks for your article. What I want to say is that while looking for a good on the net electronics store, look for a web site with full information on important factors such as the security statement, safety measures details, payment methods, and also other terms in addition to policies. Often take time to look at help and FAQ pieces to get a far better idea of the way the shop operates, what they can do for you, and just how you can make the most of the features.
Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog web site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept
Hello there, I found your web site via Google while looking for a related topic, your website came up, it looks great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
I couldn’t resist commenting. Well written!
Hey very cool site!! Guy .. Excellent .. Superb .. I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also?I’m happy to find a lot of helpful info here within the publish, we’d like work out more techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .
Excellent site you’ve got here.. It’s difficult to find quality writing like yours nowadays. I honestly appreciate people like you! Take care!!
Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful post. Many thanks for supplying this info.
I visited various blogs however the audio feature for audio songs existing at this
website is actually marvelous.
hey there and thank you for your information ? I?ve certainly picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical issues using this web site, as I experienced to reload the site many times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will often affect your placement in google and could damage your quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I?m adding this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for much more of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..
I love it when folks come together and share views. Great blog, stick with it!
Hello, i believe that i noticed you visited my website thus i came to ?return the choose?.I’m trying to in finding issues to enhance my site!I guess its adequate to make use of a few of your concepts!!
This is a topic which is close to my heart… Take care! Exactly where are your contact details though?
I?ve read a few good stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much effort you put to make such a excellent informative site.
Good day! I could have sworn I’ve visited this website before but after browsing through some of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m definitely pleased I discovered it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently.
Viagra
Scam
Viagra
There are certainly numerous details like that to take into consideration. That is a nice point to convey up. I supply the thoughts above as general inspiration however clearly there are questions like the one you bring up where crucial thing might be working in trustworthy good faith. I don?t know if greatest practices have emerged around things like that, however I’m certain that your job is clearly recognized as a good game. Each boys and girls really feel the influence of just a second’s pleasure, for the remainder of their lives.
Sex
Scam
Saved as a favorite, I really like your website.
Porn site
Aw, this was an exceptionally nice post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to make a great article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and never seem to get anything done.
Porn
Sex
Buy Drugs
Very interesting topic, thankyou for putting up.
Excellent blog you’ve got here.. It’s hard to find excellent writing like yours these days. I really appreciate people like you! Take care!!
Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something informative to read?
The heart of your writing while sounding agreeable initially, did not work very well with me after some time. Someplace throughout the sentences you managed to make me a believer unfortunately only for a short while. I however have got a problem with your leaps in assumptions and one would do nicely to help fill in all those gaps. If you actually can accomplish that, I would certainly be impressed.