This is a classic underdog story.
A scrappy football team. No talent, all heart. Fighting for a chance at the playoffs.
The competition? Only the most skillful team in the league. A squad so overconfident, its captain says things like this:
“We never really practice. We just have game adaptability.”
The underdogs, well, they do practice. They showed up an hour before anyone else to run drills and draw up a few plays. Here’s one of them:
The quarterback lines up in the shotgun position. He’s riding a unicycle, because this is the Unicycle Football League in San Marcos. In this league, every player rides a unicycle — passes on a unicycle, catches on a unicycle, plays defense on a unicycle.
The quarterback flaps his arms like a bird. He squawks like a bird, too.“Ka-caw! Ka-CAW!”
On cue, the wide receiver goes in motion, pedaling down the line of scrimmage. The ball is snapped. The receiver, Jeff “Big Bird” Hogan, darts toward the end zone.
Quarterback Daniel “Air Dan” McCarthy lofts a spiral into the receiver’s waiting arms. Big Bird rolls in — literally, he rolls in — for the touchdown.
With plays like these, who knows?
“It’s going to be a hard fight,” Air Dan admits. “Our chances for beating them are slim.”
“Our chances are high,” argues his teammate, Dane “Toilet Face” Walter, “because we’re so awesome. We do drink more than the other team, so that gives us an advantage.”
Another advantage? The teammates, who call themselves the Illeagles, are wearing face paint.
Their opponents, the heavily favored Unicychos, stroll in just before kickoff. The Unicychos’ captain hears about the Illeagles’ new plays. He’s not impressed.
“Trick plays might work once or twice,” he says, “but we’re quick on our feet, so we know how to adapt to it.”
The game begins not with a coin flip but with a joust to determine which team will take first possession. It’s Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a farmer’s market in San Marcos. Some 150 spectators have come out to watch the game.
And what a game it is. With only a minute and 21 seconds left to play, the Illeagles are losing by a touchdown. The score is 41-34, and this is the final drive. Can Air Dan march his team to a comeback victory?
Air Dan throws a pass to Toilet Face. The ball falls in and out of Toilet Face’s hands.
“Tensions are running high in this very close game,” says the announcer.
Next play: a quarterback keeper. Air Dan sprints around the corner, eluding a Unicycho defender and escaping out of bounds. The clock stops with 37 seconds to go.
He tries another sweep but can’t make it to the sideline in time. The clock is ticking.
Air Dan drops back to pass. Quarterback sack.
Seven seconds left. There’s only time for one more play.
Air Dan flaps his arms furiously. Big Bird sprints toward the end zone. Air Dan lofts a pass high in the air.
This is exactly how they practiced it, before the game. Big Bird stretches for the ball. He brings it in. Touchdown.
Time expires with a score of 41-40, Unicychos’ favor. The only hope now for the Illeagles is the point-after attempt. They may run in the ball for one point, or they may kick it through the uprights for two.
(Three women sprint into the end zone and link their arms to form the goal posts.)
Air Dan fields the snap. He races toward the extra point to tie the score, but a Unicycho stops him before he can cross the goal line.
The game is over, it seems. But wait! The referee is blowing his whistle. He’s calling a penalty against the Unicychos, claiming the defense jumped offside.
The Illeagles have one more chance.
“The torture is almost unbearable,” the announcer says. “The line between pleasure and pain has been breached.”
All eyes are upon Air Dan as he takes the snap. The Unicychos blitz from either corner. The quarterback has no choice but to attempt the kick. Balancing on his unicycle, he boots the football.
It sails toward the uprights.
It sails wide right.
Instead of an upset victory, the Illeagles lose by a single point, 41-40.
Afterward, the captain of the winning team — Alan “Corporal Punishment” Barnes — is magnanimous.
“That was our hardest game all year. Harder, even, than the games we lost,” he says. “They definitely had some surprises for us. We had to make a lot of changes. It was the most we’ve had to adapt yet.”
The Illeagles have one more chance to sneak into the playoffs, if only they can defeat the mighty Hot Dogs this Sunday.
The Hot Dogs have already clenched first place — whether or not they win the final game of the regular season — so maybe their players won’t be so motivated when they face the Illeagles.
That’s what the Illeagles are hoping.
“If we fight half as hard as we did this week,” Air Dan says, “we’ll win.”
First published in the Hays Free Press.
5,142 responses to “Unicycle football is hell on wheel”
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post with us.
Right now it appears like Movable Type is the top blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?
Viagra
Porn site
Scam
whoah this blog is wonderful i love reading your posts. Keep up the great work! You know, many people are hunting around for this information, you could aid them greatly.
Hello! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?
okmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite sure I?ll learn a lot of new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!
This is such a detailed and insightful post. I really appreciate the effort you put into explaining everything so clearly.
Hi there, I believe your site could be having browser compatibility issues. Whenever I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening in Internet Explorer, it’s got some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Besides that, excellent website.
In a similar way, a government may issue securities when it chooses to increase government debt.
Scope: Key economic variables and topics for forecast commentary are determined based on the needs of the forecast audience.
As of 2021, global Crypto ownership rates have reached an average of 3.9.
It sounds too good to be true, but let’s explore the options, starting with the simplest of economic transactions: selling stuff.
Adding solar panels for solar energy generation to an existing home can be expensive – but there are lots of other ways to make your home greener.
Navy bought two struggle-ready battleships to Greece, the former U.S.S.
Broadly, China limits the amount of renminbi available to settle trade, and the swaps have been used to obtain renminbi after these limits have been reached.
The people who are interested in keeping their health proper life long, for them it is necessary that they should think about this from the starting only.
For example, freight companies use factoring to cover for drivers’ salaries.
All that is illustrated by the priorities in the instance under.
It?s exhausting to seek out knowledgeable people on this matter, however you sound like you already know what you?re talking about! Thanks
There are certainly loads of particulars like that to take into consideration. That could be a nice level to carry up. I offer the ideas above as normal inspiration however clearly there are questions just like the one you deliver up where a very powerful thing shall be working in honest good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged around things like that, however I am positive that your job is clearly recognized as a good game. Each boys and girls feel the affect of just a second?s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
Thank you for this well-written and informative article. The practical tips you’ve shared are going to be very useful for my work.
As I website possessor I believe the content material here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your efforts. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck.
Nice i really enjoyed reading your blogs. Keep on posting. Thanks
The information shared is of top quality which has to get appreciated at all levels. Well done…
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post with us.
Real estate is enticing to many people who want to invest because it is a physical object that can be controlled, and it also helps to spread out risk.
At times, investors go with the market buzz and sell off the stocks and as a result, the value of the specific stock goes downhill.
The DFJ Network was renamed the Draper Venture Network in 2015 and is operated by Tim Draper.
To further stoke the flames of curiosity, Dwell journal held a trendy prefab invitational in 2003 to create an economical prefab home that might be mass-produced.
What?s Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I have found It absolutely helpful and it has aided me out loads. I hope to contribute & aid other users like its aided me. Good job.
In general, the use of hedges and financial derivatives to protect against risk should reflect a fair value assessment of the hedge and should not appear as items in corporate income.
Some of these managers also manage public funds and offer non-hedge fund strategies.
You don’t wish to miss with regards to making an investment option in foreign exchange trading, don’t you think so?
Incredible! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a totally different topic but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Great choice of colors!
You need to participate in a contest for among the finest blogs on the web. I will recommend this web site!
Hello my loved one! I wish to say that this article is amazing, nice written and include almost all significant infos. I?d like to look extra posts like this .
whoah this weblog is excellent i really like reading your posts. Stay up the great paintings! You already know, a lot of individuals are looking round for this information, you can aid them greatly.
One important issue is that while you are searching for a education loan you may find that you’ll need a co-signer. There are many scenarios where this is correct because you might discover that you do not possess a past credit rating so the loan provider will require that you’ve someone cosign the financial loan for you. Good post.
This blog doesn’t display appropriately on my iphone 4 – you may want to try and repair that
Thanks for giving your ideas with this blog. Also, a delusion regarding the finance institutions intentions while talking about foreclosures is that the financial institution will not getreceive my installments. There is a certain quantity of time in which the bank will need payments in some places. If you are very deep within the hole, they’re going to commonly desire that you pay that payment in full. However, that doesn’t mean that they will not take any sort of payments at all. In case you and the lender can have the ability to work one thing out, your foreclosure practice may cease. However, if you ever continue to neglect payments underneath the new strategy, the foreclosed process can just pick up where it was left off.
Wyatt served in World Battle II and was decorated and wounded twice as a bomber pilot.
Imbert, Fred (26 February 2020).
I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both educative and engaging, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that too few men and women are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy I found this in my hunt for something regarding this.
Axiom and Manuel swiftly leave afterward, leaving Tim to have a violent, emotional breakdown with only G. Amato, dressed as Geppetto, consoling him.
Rainier areas can collect even more from smaller roofs.
In 2011, QBE purchased Balboa Insurance of California from the Financial institution of America.
hello there and thanks for your info ? I have definitely picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical issues the use of this web site, as I experienced to reload the web site lots of occasions previous to I may just get it to load correctly. I had been considering in case your hosting is OK? Now not that I’m complaining, however sluggish loading instances times will sometimes impact your placement in google and could damage your quality ranking if advertising and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I am including this RSS to my e-mail and can glance out for much more of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..
Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks